Interesting Email

I received an email (sent to my callingromehome gmail account) tonight from Fr. Brian, Vocations Director for the Archdiocese of Kansas City in Kansas (not to be confused with the Diocese of Kansas City - St. Joseph). Fr. Brian lives across the street from the St. Lawrence Catholic Campus Center and often celebrates Mass there.

Anyway, in his email Fr. Brian stated that someone had email him and said that I may be discerning my vocation. He offered to meet with me sometime.

This is quite interesting. I have a good idea of who may have sent Fr. Brian the original email, but I'm not completely sure. For clarification, I am in no way offended or upset that someone contacted Fr. Brian on my behalf. I'm somewhat flattered that someone out there would take the time to do so.

I have stated many times that I am convinced that my vocation is not that of the priesthood. However, I often find myself question whether I'm really convinced of that or instead trying to say that I am until it becomes reality.

I must admit that this would seem like one more instance in a line of things that would appear to be nudges in that direction. People have made the suggestion before that I may be destined for the priesthood. I often find myself thinking of what I would say during a homily and have at times found myself experiencing something like a desire to celebrate the Mass (this has especially occurred during the Consecration on a few occasions)

On the other hand, why now? I'm almost 26, just finished 7 years of college, have a decent amount of student loans to pay off, and am well on my way to establishing my career. The thought of it all almost sounds absurd. We're talking years before going to a seminary would be feasible and then probably at least 6 - 8 years of study. Then when I say this it sounds like the most horrible and shallow of arguments.

I am convinced that I am called to serve the Church in some manner. What I'm not convinced of is in what way I am to serve. I'm pretty sure its not in the priesthood, yet I starting to feel that I must resign myself to the possibility that it is. This is all becoming very perplexing.