It is good to be back

It's been just over 14 months since my last post. It's amazing how quickly time goes by.
The past year has been one of spiritual struggle which reached a cresendo about eight months ago when I stopped going to confession, a month later stopped going to Mass, and fell back into some old, and into some new, sinful ways.

I reached a point where I felt as though my prayers weren't being heard, or possibly even ignored, because I felt like I wasn't getting any answers. I let bitterness take over and turned away. Over the last few months God has gently guided me to the realization that maybe I wasn't hearing any answers because I was listening too intently for what I wanted to hear instead of what he was saying. This realization came through a series of nudges from God when I wasn't thinking about Him, on the way to work, while eating dinner, etc. Just little thoughts that would pop into my head.

I made my first confession in 8 months yesterday afternoon. I have never felt more vulnerable nor more emboldened than when my confessor spoke about it being the grace of God that prevented my faith from being destroyed and lead back to the sacraments.

I'm not sure yet what God has to say to me, but I pray and ask you friends to pray for me, that I may put aside what I want to hear and listen to Him.

Why, Why, Why?!?!?!?!?

I am watching the replay of Pope Benedict's Mass from National's Stadium on EWTN. I didn't catch it all but turned the TV on right at the very end of the homily.

I just have to say about the music . . . . TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who planned this? Pope Benedict has been quite clear about his thoughts on liturgical music. The music utilized for this Mass was the exact opposite of everything the Holy Father has said about liturgical music.

The jazzy, lounge singer number during Holy Communion was particularly awful.

Are those who were in charge of planning (I have to assume there were some high ranking church officials and liturgist involved) just plain ignorant or so full of arrogance that they can't respect Pope Benedict's very vocal teachings on this matter?

Kudos to Raymond Arroyo and Fr. Richard John Neuhaus for not shying way from being critical of the music and pointing out Pope Benedicts repeated teachings on liturgical music.

It could just be me, but I couldn't help but feel that many times when the camera would go close up on Pope Benedict during some of the painful music blaring forth that he looked visibly disturbed by it.

STARTING SOON!

New bishop for Little Rock

Included is the barrage of appointments today, Pope Benedict XVI named Father Anthony B. Taylor the seventh bishop of the Diocese of Little Rock.

For complete coverage visit the Diocese of Little Rock website.

24 Hour Rosary for Vocations

Just a few days left to sign up:

Two New Vocations Blogs

A blogger friend in Scotland sent me the links to these two new vocations blogs.

Traditional Vocations Blog
A blog to promote Priestly and Religious Vocations, male and female alike, to all Traditionalist groups.

FSSP Vocations Scotland and Ireland
A blog to foster traditional Priestly vocations in Scotland and Ireland

New bishop in Shreveport

Hat tip to American Papist for this report from Whispers in the Loggia.

It looks like the Diocese of Shreveport in Louisiana is getting a new bishop tomorrow. The Diocese of Shreveport has had the second longest vacancy in the US behind the Diocese of Little Rock.

With more appointments expected ahead of Pope Benedict's visit to the US I'll be praying for a good and faithful bishop for Little Rock soon.

Tulsa World: Inside Clear Creek Monastary

The Tulsa World has a nice special feature on Clear Creek Monastery in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Clear Creek is the only cloistered Benedictine monastery in the United States.

Click here for the special section

Hat tip to: Kansas City Catholic.

He was made known to them in the breaking of the bread

The Gospel from today's Mass readings was Luke 24: 13 - 25. This passage is very special to me as I related in my first post.

Today's readings remind us that we are called to make Christ known to the world and to spread His gifts. We should offer the gifts we receive from God in the breaking of the bread as our offering to God by sharing them with all we meet.

Assumption and Coronation of Mary

Anybody have suggestions for meditations on these two mysteries while praying the Rosary?

24 Hour Rosary: World Day of Prayer for Vocations

The few of you who still visit the blog may have noticed the image at the top of the right sidebar and thought, "hmm, I wonder what that is?". Or you may not have thought about it at all.

I would like to encourage you to think about it and better yet click on it!

Some of you may or may not have realized that I have another blog, Catholic Converts. This is where I spend most of my "blogging time" while unfortunately neglecting this one.

I have attempted to start an effort to get as many people as possible to join in 24 Hours of the Rosary for Vocations on April 13. The details may all be found by clicking the image in the sidebar.

When God puts people in our way . . .

A couple of years ago I went on a mission trip with some people from my old church the spring before I enrolled in RCIA. During the trip we met this one lady who when I asked her how she was doing she responded, "I'm blessed." It struck me then that in reality I too was blessed. Regardless of what troubles I thought I might have, God was right beside me. He just had to put this lady in my way to help me realize it.

A few weeks ago, I was at work at a basketball game for the university that I work for now. I wasn't having the best day and evidentially it showed. I happened to walk through an area that I never walk through and an older gentleman who works as an usher said to me, "You have to smile to walk through here" and wouldn't let me pass until I had. Instantly the day was better.

Tonight I was working another game and happened to walk through that same area. I saw the same usher and slowed down to ask him how he was doing. His response stopped me dead in my track. He said, "I am blessed and favored and so are you."

I can't help but to think of the lady from the first story. If you've read the few posts on this blog lately you probably know that I've been struggling with my faith lately. I guess God decided it was time to put somebody else in my way.

Saints of the Year 2008

I was selected by Sts. Simon and Jude. I'm looking forward to learning more about these saints this year and pray for the graces gained by their intercessions.

I can't believe I'll be out of town.

St. Lawrence Catholic Campus Center (I'm a staff member at the university it serves) will offer the Extraordinary form of the Latin Rite Mass on Sunday, October 21 at 12:30 pm with Fr. Denis Buchholz of the Institute of Christ the King Sovereign Priest as Principal Celebrant.

I am very happy to see the center offering this opportunity for the students and other members of the parish to experience the TLM.

I'm just disappointed that I'll be out of town.

Haven't blogged much lately

I'm sorry for not blogging much for quite some time now. I've been sort of down and out lately. I know it sounds cliche but "dark night of the soul" is what I keep thinking of when trying to describe the last couple of months, in particular the last few weeks.

I've found myself questioning my faith a lot recently. I also noticed that I seemed to be "going through the motions" as Mass while wondering how much longer until it was over. I've also been asking the question a lot lately of if my faith was centered on God or on the Church. Was it the fullness of worship of our Lord or the aesthetic appeal of the Church that drew me into the Catholic Church? I think in a way it was the aesthetic appeal of the Church that sparked my attention and that as I learned more it was the fullness of worship that drew me in. But somehow along the way I've managed to get caught up in all the talk about liturgy (old vs. new), music, liturgical abuses, etc. and lost sight of my real reason for being Catholic.

I've also struggled a lot with temptations lately. I think all of this is related somehow. As I've moved farther away from the real reason for being in the Church I've drawn closer to temptation. There have been several times over the last few weeks and when I've just wanted to give up; to leave the Church and give in to the temptations of this world.

However, I know that this really isn't an option. I also know that the only way to get back on the right track is through meditation and prayer. However, my will is weak. I know what to do, yet still don't do it.

I'm not one to usually make these kind of appeals but pray for me friends as I seek to rekindle a faith grown not yet cold but diminished in its warmth.