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Monday, October 01, 2007

Haven't blogged much lately

I'm sorry for not blogging much for quite some time now. I've been sort of down and out lately. I know it sounds cliche but "dark night of the soul" is what I keep thinking of when trying to describe the last couple of months, in particular the last few weeks.

I've found myself questioning my faith a lot recently. I also noticed that I seemed to be "going through the motions" as Mass while wondering how much longer until it was over. I've also been asking the question a lot lately of if my faith was centered on God or on the Church. Was it the fullness of worship of our Lord or the aesthetic appeal of the Church that drew me into the Catholic Church? I think in a way it was the aesthetic appeal of the Church that sparked my attention and that as I learned more it was the fullness of worship that drew me in. But somehow along the way I've managed to get caught up in all the talk about liturgy (old vs. new), music, liturgical abuses, etc. and lost sight of my real reason for being Catholic.

I've also struggled a lot with temptations lately. I think all of this is related somehow. As I've moved farther away from the real reason for being in the Church I've drawn closer to temptation. There have been several times over the last few weeks and when I've just wanted to give up; to leave the Church and give in to the temptations of this world.

However, I know that this really isn't an option. I also know that the only way to get back on the right track is through meditation and prayer. However, my will is weak. I know what to do, yet still don't do it.

I'm not one to usually make these kind of appeals but pray for me friends as I seek to rekindle a faith grown not yet cold but diminished in its warmth.

10 comments:

Moonshadow said...

You attend daily mass, right? Maybe the season of Advent & Christmas will bring you some joy. But I have prayed for you ... and I will continue to.

a kelly said...

a few seemingly random clicks and i am here. to read your challenges, to read your request for prayer.
I was at mass on father's day crying and a young guy comes up to me and says "I don't know who you are or what you are going through but I am praying for you and you are loved"
Today I say that to you. He gave my a hug, smiled and walked away. Consider this a blog hug. Keep the faith. Keep reaching out. We are all the same.

a kelly said...

two more things...
as a convert it took me almost 20 years to start praying the Rosary and go to Eucharistic Adoration. No one could have convinced me of the benefits but I know now they are real and powerful. Ask the Holy Spirit to open your heart to a deeper journey of faith.
God's Blessings

Chris said...

Thank you both!

Jeannine said...

The faith is a lifetime journey. There will be setbacks on the way. Life is made up of reconversions, and many of them. But God will never forget us, even when we have forgotten ourselves.

Arthur said...

Chris,

I too have "randomly" found this post of yours. An extremely wise spiritual director of mine told me that dryness (the feeling of the absense of God) comes when God wants us to move from how we have known him up til now to a newer deeper way of knowing him. Dryness is prelude to something new. It is often a kind of death and resurrection.

If this is helpful, good. If not, just let it go.

God bless you, Chris, on your wonderful path.

deb said...

You've gotten so much wonderful advice from the others that I will only add that I will pray for you, also.

I do think that being Catholic helps us understand these times of dryness much better then nonCatholics. I've had friends that lost their faith when they've gone through similar experience.

Little Scribe said...

This may be a duplicate as my first comment was lost when I tried to preview. I'll try to repeat first message.

I will pray for you and ask your prayers for me. I too am in a dry period since my mom died on December 26, 2006. Outwardly I am being fruitful, having recently published a new website and new blog. Inwardly I seem to be looking at God with my eyes closed or sideways. (This reminds me of my Maltese dogs who look away from me or look sideways when I look directly into their eyes.) I believe these things happen for a season, for the Lord's purposes, and that he surrounds us with his love, although we are not aware of his presence, and he suffers along with us for our sorrows and human frailties. As to getting caught up in talk about liturgy, abuses and so on, this reminds me of Saint Francis who suffered greatly as his Order grew and there was more and more dissension and selfishness. The Lord reminded him that the Order belonged to him, not Francis. A little like saying, "Let go and let God." There is a beautiful and inspiring little book about St. Francis, The Journey and the Dream, by Murray Bodo, which is full of poetic and reflection wisdom. Peace and All Good, Little Scribe, SFO

Mark said...

Advice isn't always good after the fact, but in case you find yourself in a similar situation again:

What I always do is first of all put down many books I'm reading and relax, then grab out an old/reliable prayer book and just leaf through it...then generally I find I want to go to Confession.

Half of this stuff is just the Devil trying his worst on us. Doubt is a favourite tool of his.

Mike said...

Chris -

If you make the Formal Abjuration of heresy and participation in a heretical society ...

on Section 19.1 of Immaculata-one.com

you'll then be in the Catholic Church, and not before ... it's all infallible Dogma.

The Dogma is also on Section 19.1.

Please e-mail if you have any questions.

Mike
Virgin Most Powerful
Pray for us