I'm sorry for not blogging much for quite some time now. I've been sort of down and out lately. I know it sounds cliche but "dark night of the soul" is what I keep thinking of when trying to describe the last couple of months, in particular the last few weeks.
I've found myself questioning my faith a lot recently. I also noticed that I seemed to be "going through the motions" as Mass while wondering how much longer until it was over. I've also been asking the question a lot lately of if my faith was centered on God or on the Church. Was it the fullness of worship of our Lord or the aesthetic appeal of the Church that drew me into the Catholic Church? I think in a way it was the aesthetic appeal of the Church that sparked my attention and that as I learned more it was the fullness of worship that drew me in. But somehow along the way I've managed to get caught up in all the talk about liturgy (old vs. new), music, liturgical abuses, etc. and lost sight of my real reason for being Catholic.
I've also struggled a lot with temptations lately. I think all of this is related somehow. As I've moved farther away from the real reason for being in the Church I've drawn closer to temptation. There have been several times over the last few weeks and when I've just wanted to give up; to leave the Church and give in to the temptations of this world.
However, I know that this really isn't an option. I also know that the only way to get back on the right track is through meditation and prayer. However, my will is weak. I know what to do, yet still don't do it.
I'm not one to usually make these kind of appeals but pray for me friends as I seek to rekindle a faith grown not yet cold but diminished in its warmth.